What's in a Name?

I always imagined that when I had a child, birthed a wee-baby, I would be able to scroll through baby name books (and let's be honest, I'd been doing this since I was little), to come up with a name for my newborn baby. Then, as I got older, and became a teacher, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a newborn baby; I would have to take off work, and teaching is my passion (that's a whole different post for another day!) So, my husband and I considered the possibility of adopting a child, around four or five years old, regardless of the fact that we wouldn't be able to name them ourselves. In the grand scheme of things, being able to name our child is a pretty insignificant task compared to the child that needs a forever home. So, what's in a name anyway?

When we found out that my husband's brother's biological children were being put up for adoption, we knew that this was a calling from God that we were meant to raise them and become "mom" and "dad." So here we go: names are changing, but this time our own. How the tables turned! Yet, going from "Aunt Bee" and "Uncle Danny" is, to say the least, an awkward, weird transition, not just for us, but for the kids, too. There is so much to our adoption story, as I am sure you can imagine, but the name game is so prevalent to our situation, that my first post about this part of the journey. And it's an on-going one! One that I am positive I will revisit several times.

We are the proud parents of three beautiful kids: Hannah, Michael, and Sydney. Hannah is the eldest, a twelve-year old girl with a heart of gold and a sense of humor--a cunning, witty child--with a soft side. She has passion to become a ballet dancer like her biological mother (another topic I will touch on later). Hannah is sweet, so it makes sense that she wants to change her name from Hannah Elizabeth to Hannah Rose. The former middle name was her bio mom's middle name. But Hannah is planting a new seed, recreating herself into a beautiful, budding flower, ready to grow and bloom.

The middle child, Michael, is an eight year old boy--silly boy--who loves to make people laugh. He will poke your buttons just so he can look at you with this quirky smile and then offer up a hug. He's agile, like his uncle, and aspires to become a gymnast so he can tumble and bounce back from anything that comes his way. Michael's current middle name, I presume, is the male spelling of his bio mom's name. Michael has chosen Cash to be his new middle name--and while I like to think it has to do with one of his uncle's favorite musicians, Johnny Cash-- Michael reminds us that, "no, because it's cash, like money!" Who knows, we may all hear him say someday, when he's living it up as a millionaire, "after all, my middle name is Cash!"

The baby of the family is Sydney--or Syd as she likes to call herself--is five a year old charmer who will have your wrapped around her freshly polished finger if you give into the bat of those big blue eyes and endearing grin. But momma knows better than to give a child everything she wants! Momma B.B. I should say, the endearing name that she has given me since we started this transition. Sydney's middle is changing to "Nataly" from "Lorraine." She was born the day after our Lord and Savior so it seems fitting; it's also the name of my best friend, Natalie. Sydney is excited to start fresh, although she was originally the most resistant to changing her middle name. She continues to transform herself, hopefully by witnessing the positive behaviors that I bring to the table.

Now, for us: Danny and I are now their parents, not "aunt" and "uncle," although the kids still refer to us as "Aunt Bee" and "Uncle Danny." Sometimes Sydney will catch herself and call me "Momma B.B.," and the kids will refer to Uncle Danny as "Uncle D" which could mean "Uncle Daddy." Every-so-often, Hannah will refer to me as "mom" or "Mother," but usually in a light-hearted way, not in the way I hope someday I become "mom" for real. Again, this has to be so weird for them; so foreign. They weren't adopted as little babies, and they've known us for so long! They were in our wedding five years ago--we've always been "Uncle Danny" and "Aunt Bee." Michael and Hannah and I were going through some various "off-brand" mom names one day online and Michael came across "Momzilla." He so badly pleaded to be able to call me that, but I asked "Are you seriously going to remember to call me that?" And he retorted, "Probably not." The next day, he was online looking for mugs and T-shirts that said "Momzilla" on them... I don't think he realizes that his future wife-to-be may be hesitant to establish a relationship with "Momzilla," the garish and monstrous mother-in-law. Oh well, he's eight.

One of the most hurtful things that have been said to me throughout this whole process is: "they don't have to call you mom." I won't say who said it, as to protect them from ridicule from others, as this is not my purpose in mentioning this. This is for anyone out there who A.) is going through something similar that we are or B.) feels there isn't much "in a name." Everything is in a name! Don't let anyone take that away from you... I surely won't let anyone take my right to be called "mom" for all of the hard work, love, and compassion I have bestowed on my kids. That's right, MY kids. A love that I will continue to nurture until the day I die. Adoption is such a beautiful, amazing choice, and if I want to be called "mom" as a result of that, I think I deserve it. But of course, within my kids' own time. Sometimes it's even a little awkward for me to say "my daughters" or "my son" (instead of "nieces and nephew,") so I can only imagine what it's like for them... and the loss that they've experienced when they were placed into foster care.

As a result, we just live day by day. I pray that my husband and I will be the best"mom" and "dad" for our kids and that the names will fit the role. Twofold, I hope that"daughters" and "son" roll just as easily off the tongue as "nieces" and "nephew" once did. So what's in a name? In the end, it's something to be earned, to be embraced, and to be eagerly excited about with time, patience, and tenacity.